Corny's milkman days
by laurend44li
Summary: Imagine the teens from hairspray but as ,young, wide eyed little versions of themselves. Follow the hairspray gang as they interact with a certain milkman who just happens to be passing through. PLEASE RR I KNOW I probs butchered the spelling of some names. Anyhow this was collaborated with my pal Nessa32. Thanks for reading, if you like it there is a sequel in the works :)


"Well Cornwallis Collins, you are now officially a Maryland Baltimore Milkman" The instructor said handing him his crisp white hat.

"Gee golly" Corny said sarcastically.

"Aww cheer up, things will turn up soon" The instructor said.

"If you say so" Corny sighed as he went to pick up his milk carrier as he headed for the door. He tipped his hat at the instructor before he headed out for his first day on the job. As he stepped out door he noticed how brightly the sun was shining and how comfortably warm the temperature was. Despite the nice weather, this far from lifted his spirits. There were so many things corny wanted to be doing right now. At the ripe age of twenty conry thought he'd be out pursuing his music career and maybe picking up some dance credits along the way. Maybe even Broadway or a popular dance show. But nope, he was delivering milk. Like every other man his age in Baltimore.

He looked at his list for he had yet to memorize is route.

"Lets see, the Von Tussle house, 42n'd street" Corny sighed as he made his way to his first stop. Corny relaxed as he listened to the echoing sound of his feet on the pavement as he approached the hose. Once he go onto the stoop, he straightened his jacket and elevated his posture. He took a deep breath then knocked.

"Just a moment!" he heard a little girl's voice call from inside the house.

The door swung open to reveal a little girl made up nicely with a sky blue dress and a pristine white bow in her perfectly curled blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled when she saw him.

"Hello" Corny said nicely.

"I'll be your milkman from now own"

"Hello milkman" She said in a way that suggested she wasn't one to talk to those with undignified jobs such as his.

Getting a bit irritated he asked " is your mother home?"

"No, she's at the salon" She said as if she expected him to know.

"You seem awful proud for age" He said with a charming smile

"What's your name little darl'in ?"

" Amber, Amber Von Tussle" She said triumphantly extending her dainty hand.

"Nice to meet you Amber, my name's uhhh. Corny..Collins" Corny said swallowing. He was pretty embarrassed of his name and he didn't need any more heckling. So why not Corny? It was catchy and smiled, proud of his new identity.

Amber looked slightly taken aback. She placed a hand on her hip, "Corny, really?"

"Yep" Corny said confidently.

"Huh, that's kinda cool...I guess." Amber said surrendering to his ever present charm.

"Why thank you Amber, I think so to" Corny said looking at Amber as he took two bottles from his carrier and placed the by the door.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"Well I best be on my way" Corny said

"The rest of Baltimore needs their calcium" he said brightly.

"Goodbye Corny!" Amber said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Bye now" Crony said as he watched the door close behind Amber.

 _Well she certainly is something_

Corny chuckled to himself as he made his way down the drive and onto the sidewalk.

"Let's see who's next" Corny said scanning his list.

"Ah Turnblad house, walnut road"

"Hopefully there aren't too many snobby girls left in this town" He said to himself

By the time had finished his thoughts he has reached the front porch of the Turnblad's.

He knocked on the door and waited for a response.

A gruff voice shouted "Tracy would you get that please!"

 _Well it seems like daddy's home_ Corny thought, becoming a little scared.

The door opened purposefully, Corny was expecting to see the misses but instead a little girl stood before him with wide and a bright smile.

"Hi I'm Tracy!" Tracy said excitedly as she reached out a hand for him to shake.

A little shocked from the burst of energy standing at the door Corny cordially extended his hand to the girl,reciving a firm handshake in return.

"Nice to meet you Tracy, I'm Corny" Corny said. Happy to have such nice girl answer the door.

"Thanks" Tracy blushed a little bit. She curtsied slightly at the tall figure before her, Corny laughed at this.

Tracy smiled and tha said " I'm so glad you're here Corny, I've been looking for some milk, my Mamma and I just made cookies" She said brightly.

Corny admired the use of his name, this girl was a smart one, incredibly social too.

He straightened to his height "Cookies?" Corny asked.

He inhaled and the smell of fresh baked cookies wafted into his nose, it was enticing.

"You can come in and have some if you'd like' Tracy said gesturing to the inside of her house.

"Thank you Tracy, as scrumptious as that sounds, I'd better get back to my route" Corny said reaching for the milk.

"Ok!" Tracy said nodding her head quickly.

"Wait!" She said abruptly cause Corny to nearly drop his milk.

"Stay right there, I'll be right back I promise" She said hurriedly turning on her heels as she dashed into the house.

As Corny stood rather confused as he heard the voice from earlier yell," Tracy don't eat that many cookies at once!"

"I'm not ma, there for the milk man!"

"They better be" The mother replied.

 _Ma?_ Corny thought.

 _Maybe she wasn't always a "ma"_ Corny though slightly afraid as well as concerned.

As fast as Tracy left she came back holding a container of cookies out to Corny.

"Oh now, Tracy you don't have to-" Before he could finish Tracy cut him off.

"Un un" I'm having none of that" she said, in a friendly kind of sternness.

"You have to taste one first" she ordered. Holding them out once more.

"If I must" Corny said playfully. He reached for a cookie and took a bite, chewing the warm dough of the cookie as it melted into his mouth, it was delicious.

"Wow Tracy, you make a mean cookie" He said chewing the treat.

"Why thank you" Tracy said bowing her head as she rocked back on her heels.

"Well I guess you better get back to your job" she said slightly sad.

"I'm afraid so" Corny said.

He looked at Tracy and bent to her level."but don't worry I'll be back next week"

"Oh goodie" Tracy giggled.

"Maybe next week I'll show you my dance moves" She said hopefully.

"Maybe" Corny laughed as he got up to leave.

"Thank you for the cookies"

"Your welcome, thank you for the milk" Tracy said as she excitedly gathered the bottles into her arms.

"Until next week!" Corny said waving a goodbye.

"See you then!" Tracy waved as she saluted to him and then disappeared into the house.

 _Thats one quality kid._ Corny though as he stared absentmindedly at the front door.

"Next we have the Barton residents Baltimore avenue" Corny said approaching the sidewalk once more

"I wonder who I'll meet next" Corny chuckled allowed.

He made his way to the next house and he knocked.

"Charles get the door will you" He heard a motherly voice say.

"I've got to get a better name" a boy grumbled to himself.

The door opened and his eyes landed on a skinny boy with suspenders and thick glasses with his nose deep in a book.

Corny wasn't sure what to say at this point. Before he could ponder what to do any longer two brown eyes came out from behind the pages.

"How can I help you today?" the intellectual boy asked, rather unamused.

"Don't worry I'm just the milk man" Corny explained.

" I can see you don't want to put down your book"

" whatcha readi'n there anyway sport?" he asked

The boy's eyes lit up.

"War and peace" By Leo Tolstoy

"That's some book for a boy your size" Corny said quite shocked that such a small boy could take on such a heavy read. He could tell by his know it all grin that he could take about this novel for hours.

"Have you read it?" the boy asked tilting his head.

"Why no I haven't" Corny said

"Figures" The boy muttered mumbled.

"What was that?" Corny asked.

" Nothing" the boy said.

"I couldn't help but overhear from behind the door that you don't think to highly of your name" Corny said.

"Honestly no. it was my great grandfather's name, a fine one at that. But it just doesn't fit _me_ " he admitted.

"You really like to learn don't you" Corny asked.

"Very much sir" charles said.

"Alright...then let's call you I.Q" Corny smiled.

"That sounds swell!" Charles agreed.

"I'm sure it will stick" Corny laughed.

"Say, what do you like to do other than read?" he asked.

"I play soccer every once in awhile. But I mostly like to dance." He adjusted his glasses.

"I know it's not a very masculine hobby, but there's just something so freeing about it"

"There's nothing to be ashamed about I .Q. I like to dance myself, that's want I want to do more than anything in the world. I hope to have my own dance Tv show one day. Maybe you could be on it with me." Corny smiled.

"That sounds like fun. I'll remember that" I.Q laughed.

"I never got your name?" He asked looking up at Corny.

" Corny, Corny Collins" Corny said shaking I.Q's hand.

"You seem like a decent boy"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I gotta keep moving" he said

"See you around Corny!" I.Q waved.

"Let me know if you have any book recommendations" Corny called as he walked away.

" I will!" I.Q shouted back.

Corny smiled at a job well done as he strode happily back on his trek to the next house.

He pulled his list out of his pocket to see where he was going next.

"Ok now, looks like we got the uh..Brown residents" Corny said, squinting at the list in the sunlight. He folded it and placed back in his pocket as he started for the next house.

 _Maybe this whole Milk Man thing isn't so bad after all_ Corny thought as he took a moment to admire the day before him. It was late morning, nearly afternoon and the sun was warm. The flowers bloomed brightly and the birds chirped fervently. This was good for him, being outside and getting away from it all. The long walks allowed him time to think and reflect. He was beginning to find this enjoyable. After his quick self reflection, Corny strode forward, whistling a tune as he went.

He approached the house and knocked quickly on the door, excitedly awaiting whom he would meet next. There was silence for a long time. He almost considered leaving the milk and moving on, that's really what he was supposed to do anyway but he enjoyed talking to others.

Right as Corny was about to leave the door opened slowly. A little boy stood there with his head down. He looked up timidly. Corny smiled encouragingly but he didn't say anything.

"Are your parent's home?" Corny asked.

The boy shook his head quickly.

"What's your name buddy?" Corny asked leaning against the door frame.

The boys answer was so quiet it was inaudible.

"What was that?" Corny asked gently.

"Fender" The boy said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Well hello there Fender I'm Corny" He said putting his hand out for Fender to take.

Fender made a frighted noise in his throat and looked away. Corny pondered whether to keep pushing or to just finish the job. Corny bent down slowly and tapped him very lightly on the shoulder.

"Fender. You don't have to be afraid of me" Corny said softly.

"I've never really liked strangers before" Fender admitted.

Corny smiled at his victory.

"B-b-b..but-t you seem nice" he said stuttered.

"I should hope so" Corny said.

"Don't worry you find that you can overcome your shyness as you get older. I should know, I used to be really shy" Corny said truthfully.

"Really?" Fender asked excitedly.

"But you don't seem shy." He said slightly confused.

"Exactly!" Corny said.

Fender laughed and accepted the high five Corny placed in front of him.

Corny stood. " I gotta go" He said handing Fender a bottle of milk.

Fender smiled. "Thanks for the advice"

"No problem, and remember there's nothing wrong with going a little out of your comfort zone" Corny said, winking at Fender.

Fender nodded and shut the door.

Corny smiled to himself, glad to have helped the boy.

 _Do any of the parents ever want to answer the door?_ Corny thought.

He checked his list and headed off to the next house.

"Pinkleton hmm, what an odd name" He said to himself as we walked up to the front door.

Upon approaching the door the door he noticed a large cross hung on the middle of the door.

"Praise the lord" he chuckled quickly to himself, looking towards the sky.

He knocked and waited as always.

The door swung open and a woman in her early 40's appeared in the doorway looking stern and judgemental. Immediately Corny stiffened. A little girl cowered behind her peeking her head out ever so slightly so Corny could just barely see one of her eyes, the woman held tightly to her.

"Hello ma'am I-I'M sorry for I-Interrupting your morning, I'll j-just be on my way" Corny said setting the milk down slowly, the woman's cold eyes never leaving his.

"Who do we have here?" Corny said staring down at the girl who appeared to be the woman's daughter. He knew he was taking chance there.

The girl whimpered and hid further behind her mother.

"What intentions do you have with my daughter?" The woman barked, holding the girl protectively at her side.

"Nothing, nothing" Corny said flustered.

"I was simply trying to be nice"

The woman made a disapproving noise and looked him over.

"Ok then" she said.

"PENNY!"

The girl jumped.

"Introduce yourself" The woman said pushing her daughter out in front of her.

"I'm trying to improve her social skills" Corny nodded, unsure of how to react.

" Well I'm sure your parenting style isn't much help" Corny muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" The woman asked.

"Absolutely nothing" Corny said clearing his throat.

The woman huffed as she continued to force her retaliating daughter from behind her until she meekly stood before him.

"I'm Penny" She said quickly, and then turned away and nestled her head against her mother's arm.

"No no, that is no way to introduce yourself young lady!" The woman ordered.

"Give your full name and greet him nicely, and don't look away this time" She said sharply.

"Hi my name is Penny Lou Pingleton" She said timidly, while holding eye contact.

"WITH THE CONFIDENCE OF JESUS!" The mother shouted commandingly.

Corny felt bad for the poor girl, but also very..very afraid. He attempted to continue to keep his smile and cover up the fear building inside him.

"HI..MY NAME IS PENNY LOU PINKLETON"

"NICE TO MEET YOU!" The mother shouted.

"NICE TO MEET YOU" Penny shouted uncomfortably.

"Nice to meet you Penny I'm Corny" Corny said carefully.

"Did you wash your hands before you came here?" The mother asked.

"Yes?" Corny said.

"PENNY SHAKE THE NICE MAN'S HAND"

"Yes mother" Penny said quickly forcing out her small hand which Corny took very gently to shake.

"Good girl" The mother said.

Well, nice meeting you two" Corny said nodding at the girls.

"Yes it was" The mother said taking Penny's shoulders.

"Say goodbye Penny"

"Goodbye Penny" Penny whimpered.

"Say goodbye to the MILK MAN" Her mother ordered, pointing to a frightened Corny.

"Goodbye milkman" Penny tried again.

"WITH THE CONVICTION OF NOAH!" Her mother yelled.

"GOODBYE MILKMAN!" Penny said looking as if she was about to collapse.

"Goodbye Penny" Corny said chuckling a bit out of nerves.

"Thank you" The woman said before practically slamming the door.

"THAT IS NOT WHAT OUR LORD WOULD HAVE WANTED!" He heard the woman scream from inside. Needless to say, Corny made a quick exit from the property and onto the street.

Corny let out a sigh of relief as he headed towards the next house.

 _Hopefully the Larkin's won't be this crazy_ He thought as he walked up to the front porch.

He hesitantly approached the Larkin's house, fearful of what ballistic parent he may encounter next.

He rung the doorbell and the door opened and he immediately saw a twelve year old version of himself.

"What can I do ya for?" The boy said, going out of his way to run his hand through his perfectly slicked back chocolate hair. Cocking his eyebrow.

Corny laughed at the young boy's ignorance and attempts to be a "ladies man" whilst being so young.

"You look your try 'in awful hard to be suave there young man" Corny commented knowingly.

"It's just.. the way I am" The boy said arrogantly.

"Is it now?" Corny asked playfully.

"Is there a lady on your mind?'

"No, I'm the boy the ladies are thinking about" The boy matter o' factly.

"Oh really?" Corny asked.

"Definitely" said the boy running his hand through his hair once more.

"If you're so sure than how many girlfriends have you had?"

"Well" the boy pouted.

"None"

Corny laughed.

"But I'm 100% sure the girls around here _totally_ have crushes on me" The boy said confidently.

Corny enjoyed toying with this boy's pride.

"Any proof of these crushes?" Corny asked slyly.

" Of course, there all over me. I don't know how Rock Hudson stands it" The boy said as if girls fawning over him required great work and stamina.

"I'm sure"

"What's your name anyway kid?" Corny asked.

"The names not important. It's the face that they remember" the boy said as he smoothly spun around in the doorframe to than flash two hand guns out at Corny.

" Seems like you got it all figured out then don't ya?" Corny said.

"Yeah I do" The boy said putting his chin out to shake his head with assurance.

"Than I guess you already know the one true secret to being the best ladies man there is" Corny Said looking away in mock submission.

"Yep" The boy said attempting to stay strong, the need for the made up secret building inside him.

"Ok then" Corny said slowly walking away.

"Wait!" The boy said giving in to Corny's enticing words.

"I don't know the secret" he said defeated.

"All I'm saying is, if you don't give em' your name, they won't know who to call back" Corny said.

"Well said" The boy said.

"I know" Corny said.

"I'm Link" The boy said.

"The missing Link in every girl life?" Corny asked.

"Aww yeah" Link said.

"Slide me some sugar" Corny said.

"Right on" Link said as he and Corny exchanged a high five.

Corny got up to leave and then stopped to look at Link.

"Hey, Link don't forget. Ladies are not toys. One must handle them gently and carefully" Corny said.

"Alright. Sometimes I forget about that one" Link said as he flashed a smile

Corny saw so much of himself in him.

"See you next week!" Crony said.

Link winked and closed the door.

 _We would have been such good friends_ Corny thought.

The next on his list was the Simeon's.

" _Let's make this quick_ " Corny said inwardly.

He knocked and yet another little girl open the door.

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

Maybe he shouldn't knock so much anymore.

"I'm Shelly" She said abruptly.

"Hi Shelly" Corny said slightly off guard.

"Why are you a milkman?" She asked with more disgust than curiosity.

" why not '' He retorted.

"Because that's a stupid job" she stated, pursing her lips.

"A stupid job?" He said in mock hurt. Placing a hand "painfully" on his heart.

"Why madam, I deliver milk far and wide across this great land. He swept his arm across the town to show effect. His voice raing pitch in fake defiance.

"Without milk, you could not bake a cake, or nourish your child, what would you do without your calcium?" He "pleaded".

"I don't like cake anyway" Shelly said scrunching her nose in distaste.

"Well, you're missing out on a world of taste" Corny said disapprovingly.

"Who cares..cake is for losers anyway"

Corny could see that there was nothing he could say that would get her to find anything other than something negative to point out. He placed a bottle of milk by the door.

Shelley gave him a once over with her eyes, than said "You must really be a washout if you ended up with such a loser job like a milkman" She with much distaste.

Corny had had enough " Oh yeah if a Milkman is such a deadbeat job than what should I be doing? If you think you're so smart what kind of job would you consider "Worthy"? He said haughtily.

Shelley thought for a moment.

"I could see you as a TV show host, you got the right face" Shelley said a little sharply.

"Do I now?" Corny asked becoming Intrigued.

"How so?"

" I don't know, it's just...you have that physique" She said with a wave of her hand.

"I'll have to consider that" Corny said.

"Ya should, you look soo ugly in white" She said rolling her eyes.

Corny held in a more...adult response and simply said " Thanks for the note"

"Hmm, don't mention it" Shelley said suddenly engrossed in her fingernails, cocking her head sassily to the side.

She looked up at him, disgusted.

"Oh. You're still here. You should go now" She said with irritated brightness shooing him away with her hand.

"I will" Corny said aggravated.

"Bye now"

And with that he left.

Corny sat on the curb to check his last. There was one last house to go.

"Bennett" He read aloud.

 _They sound nice._ Corny thought, hoping for the best.

By the end of his run he was rather tired but at least he only had to carry two milk bottles this time. He approached the house. At first he considered just calling it a day and leaving the milk but...why not take a chance?

He rapped lightly on the door. It opened quickly and a young girl answered. She wore a deep blue dress and had big blue eyes. Her light brown hair put up into two smooth pigtails that curled at the ends. Upon seeing Corny, she dipped her shoulder forward and smiled at him tipping her head down but keeping her eyes on him. It was a mature move and Corny noticed it right away.

"Hi there" She said softly.

"Hello little miss, who might you be?" Corny asked.

"Brenda" She said. She twisted a bit as she batted her eyelashes.

"Brenda" He said.

"A Lovely name for a lovely girl"

She giggled.

They continued on like this for a moment, the light hearted banter.

Corny noticed something different about this one than from all the other girls he met today. She was much more open, she was sweet too, really knew her way around her words. Corny was quick to realize she was attempting to flirt with him. Though he did find it rather adorable, he decided to try to ignore it and find a way out of the web her little school girl crush was weaving.

"What's your name?" Brenda asked, stepping closer to him.

Corny pondered whether to give his real name or not, " Corny" He said smiling down at her.

"Corny" She tried it out.

"Cute"

He looked into her eyes for a moment, staring at every detail of her perfectly sculpted, dainty face and thought,

 _Wow, by the time she gets to Patterson Park, she'll be the catnip of every man. Meow._

Corny was suddenly shaken from his thoughts when he saw that Brenda was noticeably much closer to him.

"I caught you staring at me" Brenda beamed triumphantly.

"Woa now little girl, I think you're getting the wrong Idea" Corny said, watching his tone as he said the words.

"I think you have a hard time seeing what's in front of your nose' Brenda said confidently as she reached up to tap his nose.

Corny was silent, pondering what to do next. He didn't want to hurt the girl but he certainly didn't want to encourage her either. He was stuck. He let out a breath of frustration.

"What's wrong?" Brenda asked, her face morphing into a knowing smile filtered with concern.

Damn she was good.

"Nothing, it's just a little hot out today" Corny said flustered.

"Sure " Brenda said playfully slapping his arm.

Corny just could not win, once again he was overcome with silence.

Brenda, and that clever mind of hers broke the silence.

"You must be awful tired from carrying around that milk all day in the hot sun. Why don't who come inside and get a nice cold glass of water" Brenda said slowly reach out to take his hand.

Corny slowly pushed his hand away from her and replied " Oh it's really not that bad. Plus it's time for lunch. Thanks for the offer though" Corny smiled. Sure, the whole crush thing was cute, but that was nothing he wanted to get into.

" But you could just have lunch here?" Brenda suggested, going in for a second try.

"Brenda that's not necessary I can take care of myself" He said.

"Yes, but don't you always take care of yourself?" Brenda asked slyly.

"Wouldn't it be nice to sit down and relax, have a meal cooked for you?"

"Are your parents home?" Was Corny's response.

"No" Brenda smiled.

 _Great_

"Well I'm sure they would no be ok with you letting strangers into the house" Corny said with more confidence than he had before. 1 point for Corny.

Brenda thought then spoke, a wicked smile spread across her lips "But your not a stranger. Your Corny."

"That I may be but we hardly know each other. Now if you'll excuse me I must be on my way." Corny said backing up quickly and picked up his empty milk carrier.

Corny was may have been quick, But Brenda was determined. As she leaned down to pick up a bottle of milk she "hit" her eye against the top of the bottle.

"Ow!" She shouted holding her hand to her eye.

"What's wrong?" Corny asked, curious as to if this was a trick or not.

"My eye!" She whined.

"Will you check it please?" Brenda asked, voice strained by panic.

Corny rushed over to the seemingly injured girl, it seemed believable enough.

"Let me see" Corny said delicately pulling her hand away from her face.

After examining it, he said, "It looks like nothing's-" Before he could finish Brenda planted her lips on his cheek.

 _Well played Brenda. Well played._

Corny choose not to respond to it and simply stood to go.

"You should be more careful next time"

"I will" Brenda nodded.

"Will you be back next week?" She asked.

"Certainly" He said with a tight grin.

"Bye for now" Brenda said waving her fingers in a coaxing way.

" Bye bye Brenda" Corny said. Relieved to see her go.

She stopped and looked at Corny one last time. "See ya next week handsome" She promptly shut the door.

As he walked away, he couldn't help but wonder, if he and this little girl would meet again as more than customer and salesman.

He considered these facts and many more, as he headed for home as Corny the milkman.


End file.
